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Jan. 12th, 2017

bman

poem dump REMjan12

Trying to get Poem a Day going again. Lots of images queued up. Not a great brainspace right now, but working on it.

Against the wall of time
/ You reach out and show me the flowers /
messages and meaning in rock cracks
/ joy in moments
/ and my fears evaporate
/ because you are with me
/ We may fall, but I will catch you
/ you will catch me
/ we will reach glory
/ or not--but with you--
/ I am brave enough to try
/ hopeful enough to reach
/ reminded to be here, now.
John R. Schmidt
10:44pm

Jan. 5th, 2017

bman

Now on Dreamwidth

Moving over from LJ.

What's happening with me?

I have for the past 3 years been dating a woman who is polyamorous...now I a seeing a different woman who is poly, and it's making me better because I'm redefining my needs and wants, and sharing and experiencing sooo much. I'll be posting more about it here, perhaps...

Right now I'm amazed and in thought. It's hard work, processing all the emotions of both of us, and also figuring out what I want and what I can provide.

I'm shocked to find that what I consider basic consideration and affection (caring about someone as a verb, checking in, trying to react to fact not emotion, "Don't be a Dick", state your needs) is so ...valued, or perhaps unusual?

I need to figure out my finances--do my taxes, run my burn rate--and take better control of my health (mental, physical, spiritual) and my finances.

I'm trying to figure out how to rejoin some of my earlier pursuits, and how much time to invest. Fighting (SCA), martial arts, dance, theater...all are time sinks.

I'm really enjoying the new relationship. It is helping me grow in good ways.

Nov. 17th, 2016

bman

Next step

Refused to work Tday.. given 11/30 end day. Hr rep said no way staying until 9 pm to process. Proposed hand off on 12/1 noon. Response: Friday, shift start at 8, copied to VP HR and Facilities....prolly be walked today.

We'll see.

Nov. 8th, 2016

bman

3 Notes: Culture, Culture, and ...Political Culture

1. Culture: Poetry Highbrow form:

RM wrote me this: Mon amour, tu m'aides à me sentir vivant de nouveau, tu me laisses agir comme moi et me cacher derrière ma mascarade. Pour danser pour sentir aimer être aimé, cela signifie plus pour moi que ma gratitude ne pourrait jamais exprimer. Mon amour je sens ne sera jamais assez mais je te donnerai mon coeur ..

I roll the words through my head, and pick at them, and they become more of a poem. They are so powerful...I feel an edge of Gomez coming one. Seriously...you want to reach my heart? Forget under the ribs and up (through the stomach), forget the cooking, and if you think a physical act will do it, dress up, go dancing with me, and at some point whisper words I don't understand completely at the moment into my ear.

or just send it to me...I don't google it until I roll it around in my brain...aaaaah. It seeds more poetry. She has truely observed a way to

2. Material Work Culture:

In front of me on my desk are two bubble up timers. Behind me on the wall up high are 8 office clocks, all labeled. ON the other side of the building, a yellow Minion doll sits on top of the cubes.

All three of these things (which are more than 3 things) are the physical embodiment of the surviving corporate culture. Each started from some idea, and grew, then diminished or changed.

After a big push in support on soft phone skills, I got everyone bubble up timers so that you would set the 3 minute timer at the beginning of the call to give you a clue that you needed to 1. Do the small talk 2. Verify the customer 3. Make sure you were on the correct issue 4. Give the strategy quickly and clearly (before the timer ran out). It was incredibly useful at the time, and it became a badge of support--everyone who worked in the group got a different colored timer (I got them from either Thinkgeek or Oriental Express--https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Liquid-Timers-Bubble-Up-Timers_11860706/showimage.html was what they were.

Last week, all the remaining support people but myself were laid off. Before they left, the two who got timers from me came and put them on my desk.

Both of the timers are broken; they never were meant to last as long as they did. The company's broken, too.... but the badges of honor remind me more.

The clocks were the brainchild of Ron Plunk...as the facilities shrank, he collected the wall clocks, labelled them, and set them to the lcoal times--US West/US East, England, India, Japan, Australia...it was a good reminder. The end of the row is Miller. He was laid off two weeks ago, with the rest of the group. Only I ever see the clocks. ...I should either fix them, or move.

The Minion came from an old joke; I called all the interns "Minions" at one point, which they found funny and copied, and their supervisor deplored (They are employees!) So when I found an inexpensive blow up Minion, I gave it to Victoria. She put it on top of her cube (on the bookshelf) because that's how you know someone still works there--they don't clean the cubes out, but when you leave you pull everything off the high part. I look over to that and remember the happier times.

I don't know how much longer this job will last--not more than 3 weeks...but we will see. Time to hunt.


3. Political Culture

SO MUCH VITRIOL which hides the real issues: Why is the TPP fastracked? Why was the tax rate not attacked back to Reagan era levels at least? Why are we still spending so damn much on the military? It's all a shell game...that's our political culture, shock and awe and reality TV. I'm with the pantsuit nation, but what about the other issues? Housing, schools, homeless, guns, drugs, healthcare, roads? Police services and police brutality? What has happened?

Work on it. VOTE!

Sep. 21st, 2016

bman

(no subject)

Aaaaaaaargh. Up since 7 to ho. Still waiting. FTS. Different reality. Never fucking again.

Sep. 18th, 2016

bman

5 Garden Notes

1. Bought cabbage starts. What kind? Isn't going to matter. Squirrels are eating them.

2. Cabbage butterfly (which I like) laid eggs on cabbage starts. Squirrels ate the leaves.

3. I'm leaving for DC for a week, so I pulled the carrots (OMG, so good--made a mire poix, ate some raw, going to pickle a small jar for my cousin) and put the cabbage in....

4. No pumpkins, and less corn--the pumpkin vines had all the roots eaten, then squirrels ate the baby gourds, and some of the corn had roots eaten too.

5. Chickens still happy. Newsflash: Put newspaper in the cage, pulling poop out will be easy. DUH.

Aug. 31st, 2016

Oak Tree

urgh. Gardening notes.

1. One of the chickens hasn't been as active. Molt is coming on, so I wasn't worrying about it. I forgot to close the coop door last night, and said chicken is missing...

2. Garlic from last year: hung to dry in garage. Hose fell off of dryer, didn't think about it...all bulbs mouldered away. Perfect empty garlic bulbs.

3. 3 sisters going great gangbusters, the indian corn is multistalked, the gophers are eating the beans and pumpkin roots.

4. Rats are eating the back garden pretty strongly...may be squirrels.

5. Mushroom garden a loss, have to rejigger.

So tired all the time...gotta get off this shift.

Aug. 23rd, 2016

bman

Monday 3

Hour 3 of a twenty minute call foisted on me at the last second. Less than halfway done. Local tools busted prolly by new hires. Every day I'm shufflin

Aug. 3rd, 2016

bass, kissing

Wednesday 5 make a post

1. Werk. Well, in the staff meeting this morning, it was stated that the Pharoah has decided that Russians are good, and has made contact with a firm in Kiev (yes, I know, not Russians, Ukranians) who will provide support engineers for the off shifts.

so....well, there it is. That's pretty clear. Except none of them have storage experience. "But we can train them!". Hmm. Right. Nope.

2. Wrrrrk. Chickens! They're getting more aggressive. I planted them a garden, which they can't get into, but still plants are disappearing...I think it's rats, dangit.

3. Next big thing: Get the aikido black belt, which means work out, lose weight, and get stretchy again, and get off this shift. OK. Let's see if this idea sticks.

4. Socialness...taking a big hit still from job.

5. Too many things to do feels like I live in ghormengast. Sleep will help. Workshift over at 12:30 in bed by 1 awake by 7...sigh.

Jul. 31st, 2016

bman

5 Things, virtual Monday

1. I am now over my 3 big commits: Clockwork Alchemy, Serenade, and El Capitan. They all did better than I expected, because I work with excellent people. They all could use course corrections and improvements. Now, I need to figure out what my next commits are.

2. I can say with experience that post-show crash from producing is in fact the same as post show crash from performing. Need to tech crew, FOH and direct to round it all out. But it's the combination of withdrawal from social contract, lack of external sourced focus, and realization of exhaustion that's the same. Except, of course, producing means another month of reports and meetings. Callout to Rose/Laurie for taking care of the cast party while I worked. Good luck to her on The Music Man!

3. Chickens are getting aggressive towards me, which is strange. Lack of food? Lack of Greens? The fact that I made a garden they want to eat then put a cage around it? I don't know. They'll get some cage time this week.

4. Work is inherently exhausting, especially when they schedule 8:30 AM meetings (I work 3 PM to Midnight). It's only money... It's infuriating to see simple things that could be done, but won't be, because "we don't have the resources". It's even more infuriating to realize how much harder I sometimes work because I do the job...and most don't. Not an environment worth sticking around in.

5. Job hunt. Gotta get on it. Only 60 days left in this contract.

That's 5. Drink more water. Do more tickets.

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